It's only 7 days until my birthday and as usual, I'm dreading it!!!

There's an unspoken rule that birthdays are supposed to be special and big deals all because someone turned one year older, and it actually annoys me. I'm not anti-celebration or anything but I am very much anti-doing-things-just-because-i'm-supposed-to. I think what makes it worse is that other people always project their own ideas of what a birthday should be onto you. And when you don’t want the balloons, the dinner, the posts, the party, suddenly you’re the weird one. It’s like there’s no space to just not care :(

I don't really care that I'm getting older or anything like that (although tbf that's a whole other rant for a different time), what I do hate is what comes with birthdays. The awkward ass “what are you doing for your birthday?” questions. Am I allowed to say “nothing” without getting judged? No. The answer is no. There's always huuuge expectations to be really really happy and smiley and whoooo party time yayayay! Forced smiles all day.

And cards. Fucking birthday and Christmas cards are so pointless it's not even funny. The only reason I "like" them is because there's usually money in them. The messages are always thoughtless and meaningless, not at the fault of whoever wrote it but moreso the world for making it a necessity.

So yeah, birthdays make me pretty anxious. They feel hollow and obligatory. I’ll still smile and say thanks when people text me or post something, because I’m not that much of a goober, but deep down I’m just waiting for it to be over :3.